Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
