I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
