i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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