Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
