My first STD was from a foam party
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
