Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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