Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
