You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
