dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
