I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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