you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
