she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
