My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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