If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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