A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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