She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
