So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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