We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
