Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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