His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
