How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ok first of all what the fuck
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
