He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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