omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
