took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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