Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
