i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
