the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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