seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
