The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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