And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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