By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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