oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
