one two three fourrrrnication!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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