wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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