I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
