Michael Bay diarrhea
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
