I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
