I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
