I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
