she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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