maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You've changed since you got that strap on
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
