I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
