Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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