the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
