If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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