Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
