Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
