I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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