We won't sleep together?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
