I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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